Day 3

Dear you,

Today I ran out the sadness. It felt good. Still, I cannot help but think of how I never dreamed we'd be here. I thought I knew where my life was heading, I thought we were headed in the same direction. I thought we were on the same page. When did we start to fall apart? I wish I knew. I thought you would be the one to stay with me forever. I thought I had finally found the one who wouldn't leave me. It kills me to think I was wrong. Especially after all these years.

I have spent my whole life waiting for people to come back to me, waiting for someone to rescue me. No one ever came. So I learned to stop waiting, to stop expecting people to come for me. I learned to be strong. I learned how to be okay being alone. I never relied on anyone, I never put my faith in anyone.

And then there was you. It took be a while but one day I found myself trusting in you, trusting that you wouldn't leave me, that you would always come back for me. And you did. Until now.

If life were like the movies, you would come back to me. It would be some sort of romantic moment where I'd be standing on the beach or in a train station and all of a sudden you would appear in the crowd. And you'd ask me to be yours forever. There'd be tears and happiness and a future to look forward too.

But I know enough not to expect that moment to happen. Still...I hope it will.

If you do decide to return, how will we get over this? This "break"? I don't know if I can or will. You don't realize it, but you broke that faith I had in you. You broke me. How are you going to fix that? How are you going to fix me; us?

It's only been 3 days and yet it feels like a lifetime. It feels like a lifetime ago we were eating crepes and drinking smoothies...but it was only a week. It feels like so long.

I wonder what you are doing. I wonder if you miss me, if you are sad. I wonder if you will need this whole month to figure out whatever it is you need to figure out. I wonder if you will leave me forever.


I wonder.

-Me