Day 4

Dear you,

Today we talked. And although I tried, I couldn't resist falling into that temptation of being friendly with you. I miss you. I miss talking to you.

But I know that I can't get used to this. I can't let myself be fooled. Because if I do, when you decide to leave me it will be so much harder. So I'm trying to keep my distance from you.

Tonight you promised that even if you did break up with me we'd still be friends. You are so naive. Do you know how many times I've heard that line? "I'll always be there for you, " or "We'll still talk," or "I'll keep in touch." It's all bullshit. No one keeps in touch, no one is there for you and you're never still friends.

You keep saying that you'd be a fool to not to pick me. Ha. I've heard that before too. From my own father. And from people talking to me about my father. About how it was his loss. As if I lost nothing from his absence. That line is what people use to justify their weakness. They try to make you feel better by trying to make it sound as if you didn't really lose a lot by not being with them. It's a load of crap.


For a while, I lived in the past. Then I lived in the future. All I thought about was our future together. The things we'd do, the places we'd go...

Now I am living in the present. I can't look beyond the next hour. I can't look because it hurts too much to think of what my future would be like without you. I can't even handle the present without you.

I love you, I do. But I just can't do this for much longer. It hurts too much.

-me